Is the message not clear to you Catullus, STAY AWAY FROM ME!  How many times do I have to ask you to do this?  You are creepy and eccentric!  Why can't you act like a regular guy, is that too much to ask?  "Dilexi tum te non tantum ut vulgus amicam, sed pater ut gnatos diligit et generos."  I loved you not so much as the mob does a harlot, but as a father loves his children and sons-in-law.  Do you remember reading this to me outside my cottage at three o'clock in the morning?  Why would you love me in a familial manner?  That is gross and ILLEGAL.  These are the kinds of things that make you unattractive.  Act normal for once!

Lesbia:
Does the term privacy mean anything to you, Catullus?  "Valē puella. Iam Catullus obdūrat, nec tē requīret nec rogābit invītam.  At tū dolebis, cum rogāberis nūlla.  Scelesta, vae tē! quae tibī manet vīta?  Quis nunc tē adībit?Cui vidēberis bella?  Quem nunc amābis? Cuius esse dīcēris?  Quem bāsiābis? Cui labella mordēbis?"  Oh Catullus, deep down you realize that you will never get over me.  Do not lie and tell yourself that you are firm.  Just a few poems ago, you wanted to kiss me thousands upon thousands of times.  Also you said and I quote "Not only do I want to kiss you... but I want to love you each and every day that I live."  How dare you think that I cannot find love!  I am an independent woman!  I do not need you nor, nor did I ever need you.  Also, no need to worry Catullus, I have 300 worthy men all waiting to kiss me.

I GET IT!  You want to kiss me thousands and thousands of times.  Are a couple kisses not enough to satisfy you?  You are completely OBSESSED!!!  The more you desire me, the less I am attracted to you : "Quam magnus numerus Libyssae harenae lasarpiciferis iacet Cyrenis oraclum Iouis inter aestuosi et Batti veteris sacrum sepulcrum; aut quam sidera multa, cum tacet nox."  If you wanted to kiss me as many times as there are Libyan sand grains that lie at the silphium bearing Cyrene or as many stars as there are in the sky when the night is silent, YOU ARE GOING TOO FAR!  "Vesano satis et super Catullo est, quae nec pernumerare curiosi possint nec mala fascinare lingua."  You are right, the amount of kisses you wish to bestow on me is definitely more than enough. In that poem which you left for me on my doorstep when I clearly told you that I never wanted to see you again, you said one thing that is correct.  That one thing is that you are MAD!